Fit for ’14=Fail for ’14

For our New Year’s Resolution, my sisters and I decided to start eating healthy and work out more in order to look good for some upcoming weddings. Now, in the past couple of years my New Year’s Resolution has been to not make a New Year’s Resolution and I have successfully followed through on those. But this year I decided to challenge myself and have come to the conclusion that I do not like to be challenged. My sisters and I were all about getting 2014 off to a healthy start back in December. We even cleverly named our new fitness endeavor “Fit for ’14” and of course put a hash tag in front of it whenever we talked about Fit for ’14, making it look more cool and appealing.

Our strategy back in December was to basically binge eat junk food as much as we could before that clock struck midnight on January 1st. “Better eat this cheeseburger before Fit for ’14 starts” or “let’s hit up all the fast food restaurants and get it out of our system before Fit for ’14 starts” were phrases often spoken in our house in 2013. The binge eating we were good at. Everyone showed a lot of self-discipline and dedication on that part. But now that it has come time to put our plan into action we are struggling hard-core. Now we say things like “Let’s start on Monday”, “It’s the weekend so I’m just going to treat myself to this gigantic bowl of ice cream” or my personal favorite “When does Lent start, March? Let’s just start Fit for ’14 then.” In our defense, it’s really hard to change your eating habits and start eating healthy when your food pyramid looks like this:

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I did get a gym membership though. How many times have I gone to the gym in these past twenty days of January you ask? Well that’s none of your damn business. I was going to go a couple of weeks ago but I had a cold so obviously I couldn’t go. I didn’t want to make myself more sick! Then I got new gym shoes and I figured I needed to break them in by walking around the house for a while before I actually used them at the gym to avoid blisters so that took a few days. Then it was extremely cold outside so I figured walking from the gym to my car after a tough workout all sweaty would be a recipe for pneumonia. I have really come to the conclusion that I am better at dressing myself for a work out than I am at actually working out. Yoga pant, check. Cute dry fit v-neck, check. Obnoxiously bright Nike running shoes, check. Going to the gym just isn’t fun. That elliptical machine is the devil in the form of workout equipment. They should make criminals use that thing instead of locking them up in jail. It would be a better punishment. Gyms are humid and smelly too-a breading ground for germs if you ask me. And going at a time of year like this when it is prime cold and flu season? No thank you.

Plus it’s not like I don’t get any exercise at home. I mean we keep the ice cream sandwiches and Klondike bars in the basement freezer so going up and down all those stairs is no walk in the park. And I’m sure I burn tons of calories trying to stay warm in my house since my dad likes to keep the thermostat at a temperature just warm enough so the pipes don’t freeze. If I ever move out of my parents’ house (and that is a big if at this point) someone will have to teach me how to work one of those things because I am not allowed to touch it here. There must be some unspoken code among Fathers about protecting and guarding the home thermostat that the rest of us non-fathers don’t know about. I’m convinced my dad has a silent alarm system hooked up to our thermostat that notifies him immediately when anyone in our house even comes close to it. “Don’t even think about turning up the temperature! If you’re cold put another sweatshirt on!” My mom stays warm in our house by layering up. She’s usually quite comfortable in her slippers, a turtleneck (which, by the way, turtlenecks are so practical. It’s like a shirt with a scarf attached to it!), and two to three sweaters.

As of now we are thinking of changing Fit for ’14 to Fail for ’14 because at this point, it’s more fitting. Eventually I hope to get myself into action but Rome wasn’t built in a day and plus, I think “Fit for ’15” has a much better ring to it…

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